Cos I love myself just the way I am


They say that I am an open book, yet they end up reading it all wrong

They say that I have mood swings, little do they know, that it’s my way of being alive

They say that I am a cry baby, I wish they realise that’s secret of my true eyes

They say that I am attached; well clearly that’s how they know I care

They say that I am predictable, yet I manage to surprise them all

The world is fond of going on and on

All that matters to me is that I love myself just the way I am……….

There is no forever….

It was late in the night and I was startled at the knock on my door. One reason why I jumped off my seat is quite natural while the other one is something that I had habituated into in the recent times. The natural reason is that i was not expecting anyone at that hour and the not so natural part is that off late whenever someone turns up, it does not bring in any good news… Wait.. Leave alone about bringing in cheer, In fact it has a track record of turning down my entire world; that world which I had crafted out of my dreams, built and rebuilt with bricks of hope as and when they tumbled down. With eyes popping out and a whole range of ‘amazing’ thoughts flashing in my mind I had to make the only ‘choice’ available; to go and open the door…. As I leaned forward trying to reach out for the door, I could feel my hands were trembling while my forehead was covered in sweat… Hold on.. “How about taking the back door!!! Its much easier” cried heart… But my brain immediately shut out the thought , ” You know they will come after you.. why take extra trouble!!!” Well that’s true and I always knew it. So holding my breath, I opened the door.  A stroke of air just passed by but I could feel it only like a shiver down my spine. I raised by brow as I found none at the door, but for a note… I opened and it read

Dear You

Wanted to tell it personally but I knew you were going to take long before you muster courage to get to the door… So I decided to leave this note…. Relax.. Its just to tell you that I am leaving your side for a while… Got other matters to deal with.. But before I go, just wanted to leave a piece of advice. Don’t take too long to respond to knocks. Simply for two reasons

a) No matter what, If it’s for you, it will wait and get you in… No way out… &

b) Nothing is forever, Neither me nor you. As it comes , it shall pass too…

Love always

Adversity (alias) Bad luck


That which does not kill you, can only make you stronger

Why me?? Why am I always put in the spot? Am I carrying a bundle of misfortune? Am I under a spell or something? So on and so forth. These are some of those questions which do not seem to leave my side over the last few years of my life. Life has been extremely “eventful” with every passing day unfolding shocks one after another. And the best part is that you don’t really get time to recover from the effect of one because the next uninvited shock is already in. When the first one strikes you hard, you obviously feel extremely hurt and you feel that your world has come crashing right onto your head and there you lie buried under those shattered pieces gasping for air. And as this continue to be a series, landing on you one after another, you feel that you are going deeper and deeper into the pit and at one point you almost conclude that things can’t get any worse and there comes another bouncer sweeping you off your feet.  After all this, you get the feel of being on a local anesthesia; wide awake but numb.  Sounds pretty negative but that’s perhaps how one is emotionally tuned. And whatever is that nerve, causing the wave of comparison in your brain, starts ranking the setbacks in terms of its disastrous outcomes. These setbacks leave behind them a lot of emotions in terms of anger, frustration, tears, helplessness etc. And all these emotions are pretty evident and so their role is beyond any doubt. Apart from all these, there’s another little inert element that these setbacks leave behind which often goes unnoticed; an ounce of Strength. The essence of strength is inherent in each one of us. Just that it gets activated only while we tide over hard times. If not for those times of trouble, I would not believe in my ability to handle failures. It’s this strength that has made me realise that my inner self could bear another setback only because I had managed to survive the previous one. And with each passing trouble, I activate a little more of my inner strength. So the bottom line is just that, although I haven’t found an answer to why am I in the center of all troubles, I am assured that as long as it does not hold the power to kill me, I only become stronger. And that’s all that really counts.


“The first step to getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are”… Thanks to a dear friend you shared this wonderful quote, for these words are my inspiration to take to writing after a very long time. I have been in my little space for quite some time and these words did the perfect job of getting me back to track. So after giving myself a pat on my back , I sat down to pen my thoughts and here it goes.

As a small girl, back in my childhood, I always wanted to try out new things. Run from corner to corner and talk all that comes to my mind without bothering as to if they make sense to the listener, (or sometimes without bothering if there is someone to listen to). Make sketches which in my view back then were just too brilliant and so go around showing it to everyone. While doing all of them there was always a sense of joy that is beyond any explanation. I was just too happy although in the course of many experiments that I did as a child, I had my share of bruised knees and other considerable amount of bloodshed. But all that did not become a factor enough to stop me from doing what I wanted to do.

Then so much in line with the law of nature and for absolutely no fault of mine, I grew up. I am sure all of us must have heard at least one relative exclaim about how soon we have grown up and how much they miss our childhood tantrums and how all these seem to have just happened yesterday. Strange but as I look back at it, I realise that I have definitely grown over a period of time, but what grew faster than me is a particular feeling of which I am sure I had no clue about when I had my first encounter with it. I always thought that registering long, tough and confusing words can be quite a task, but this word just got into my system even before I knew what it meant. Mr. Oxford defines it as a feeling of self consciousness, shame or awkwardness but I would rather personify it to be a cold blooded murderer of the curious child in any person – Mr. EMBARRASSMENT

Life offers a lot of challenging avenues but most of the times we find ourselves grip on to our comfort zones because we are frightened at the thought of embarrassing ourselves in front of the world. What if I make a fool of myself is the first thought that comes to our minds even before we process the thought of trying out something new and different. It can be something as small as a change in hairstyle, to dancing to our favourite beats, to expressing our opinion on any topic etc. It just can be anything but all that’s common is the awkwardness that engulfs our spirits. Though I cannot be authentic while stating this but I truly believe that this very feeling must have made the same world lose out on some of its finest talents as all of them faded behind the smokescreen of the not so good feeling –The fear of being embarrassed.

I have had a lot of moments where I thought that this is it, I am going to be a laughing stock in front of the world and that I will have to run to the back stage and find solace in the hands of the comfortable world that’s just too cosy. But sometimes compulsion takes an upper hand and pushed me to face my worst fears. Thanks to those compulsive factors, today I have realised that the fear of being embarrassed is just in the first 60 seconds of any new task and if you survive the moment, then the same is cured and unlike most other diseases, they don’t make a comeback into our lives, at least not while facing the same task again. On the contrary if we decide to live with it, it’s going to be our companion until we are laid to rest and may be even beyond.

Even today as I head towards new beginnings, I own my share of worry and fear. But the longer I grip on to them, the more will I lose out on my joy of discovering my own self. Having understood this fact, I believe that we should all give ourselves a fair chance to explore ourselves without the fear of being laughed at. If we succeed then it’s an accomplishment for a lifetime and if we don’t, we could do some good to others by letting them have a hearty laugh amidst their busy schedule. And after all, considering the pace at which the world is moving forward where no headline can remain a headline beyond a day, mine and your share of embarrassments can never find a shelter for long except in our own heads. Therefore it’s right up to us to keep ourselves open to challenges and live a happening life. And all we need to do is to take the first step forward and decide to not hold on to where we are forever. Difficult may be but not impossible, what do you think???

As we move into 2019…..

Yet another year is bidding goodbye. 2018 will soon disappear from everywhere, right from the calendar in our rooms to the watches on the wall, to the dates under our signatures…  But as they take this backseat leaving way for the new, they leave behind them memories; those memories that may fade as time passes but will never vanish. Some sweet moments, some silly fights, some drops of tears, some ROFL times, all of them together are going to be packed tight in the golden book of memories. And whenever we turn the pages of this book in our future, they will have a lot of stories to say. Those stories will then take us on a roller coaster ride. A ride that will make us realise how strong we had been while facing hard times, how patient we had been in the hands of testing times or even how stupid we had been in some of our fights. And as we read through those pages, a smile is sure to brighten up our faces.  Just like the smile that we have on this New Year’s Eve as we remember 2018 pass through like a dream.

The World is waiting to ring in the New Year and so am I. May the new beginning add more spark to our spirits, setting them free and high as ever. May all of us get to paint our dreams on the canvas of our lives, and have them speak of us today and forever…..

Age is just a number, really???

I remember an incident when I happened to see my Dad’s School leaving certificate which showed his date of birth somewhere in the month of April. This left me confused because until then I had always wished him in the month of September. I felt really bad for not knowing this because going by the fact in the certificate we could have celebrated our birthdays together. Later very fondly he had explained that in those days, having your month of birth to be before June is an advantage for getting an admission to school one year in ahead. That should have been my first introduction to the fact that age is not any random number and an admission to a school is not on the basis of whether the child is ready but on the basis of how old he or she is. But today, things are different of course because toddlers are left to day care centre’s and Montessori’s even as they continue to toddle; leave alone the question of age!!!

While at school, we progress from one class to another and by the age of 17 or 18, we finish our schooling; Thereafter graduation and then post graduation. By the age of 23, most of us are expected to finish with our education and then get into a job. If you are a girl, you might be lucky to get to work for a while before marriage , while guys are given a little more of liberty to get settled in their career, after all they are said to be the mandatory bread winners of any family. Totally like the famous dialogue from Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani – “22 Tak Padai, 25 pe Naukri, 26 pe Chokri, 60 pe Retirement, Aur Phir Maut ka Intezaar”!!!!

It’s not wrong to have age as a determining factor for various reasons. It’s understandable that certain things are at its best only when accomplished at a particular age. But somehow it’s not acceptable when they start to take a toll on one’s dreams. The World has progressed in a lot of dimensions and these changing dimensions have given way for the generation to dream big. In the path to achieving those dreams there can be a few unforeseen hurdles causing unpredictability. Most of the times, the unpredictability need not cause a wreck. This is simply because every hurdle do hold a definite solution however the constant reminder call of growing age does not let one pursue the path of finding them. And whether we like or not, with every passing moment, we are all growing old and no one can stop it from being that way….

Gone are the times when a girl’s dreams were confined to meeting her prince charming or having a fairy tale wedding. So are gone the times where a woman’s recognition was restricted to her culinary skills.  In fact it’s amazing to see that in the field of culinary as a profession, most commendable names are that of men. Today the world respects Calibre beyond every inch of any other difference. Therefore as we head towards a more competitive environment, we should be able to focus more on being the best in our respective fields. And in between, age cannot be the only factor determining priorities.

Let’s not chop off the wings of dreams in the name of age. Life has an expiry and age is just making it more obvious. We being a limited edition should try and make the stay more worthwhile and not let ourselves get lost in the noisy world around us.

Dear Friend….


All these years of my life, I have never been so sure about anything else other than the fact that I will never run out of words when it comes it you; simply because I really don’t have to be bothered about making sense. It can be fragments and you will still know what I exactly meant.

We were not born together but our bond is thicker than blood. We are no way similar, yet we have walked a long way together. We argue, we fight, we overreact, but who cares; because at the end of all of it, it’s still a “WE” and not “YOU” & “I”.

You are the best critic I have ever had, because you will never think twice before saying that it was bad. So do you stand by my side, when you know that I am right.

Life has had a few up’s and downs. There was nothing in common besides you being there all along. I am sure they will continue to be there all my life and so will you be.

For once I tried to make sense and exactly why I know I can’t make it beyond this. But in all that, if there is someone who can read all what’s untold, it’s just you. And by the way, today is not friendship day…


As a student, Sir Issac Newton always had a great influence in my life. It always swept me off my foot to think as to how this guy could be so amazingly brilliant. I mean if an apple had fallen on my head, I would either be like “Why me????” or would be like “Yet another bad day!!!!” It could have never occurred to me to even raise a question as to why the apple did not go upwards. Clearly I believe that if not for his phenomenal insight, Law of gravity would have been an axiom for the mankind. He has also made some other vital contributions to the World of Physics.  But of all of them, one theory that each one would have experienced at least once in their lifetime is the very famous, Newton’s Third Law of Motion – To every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction!  The word “Third Law” always reminds me that there are two other laws before this masterpiece; however they never found a place in my limited storage capacity. And the same is not surprising because it’s only this law that has made its way into my life, surpassing the frontiers of my physics book and examination.

In our lives, the times we respond are less when compared to the times we react. And every time we react, there’s a force which is causing us to do so. It could be our emotions or it could be the circumstances or some other cumulative factor. There are times we experience joy beyond bounds, when everything falls in place in our lives. Similarly, we get offended by words or deeds of people who are around us. All these instigate reactions in us and their measure is directly proportional to the effect, the factors causing it have on our lives. Complicated right???

Exactly why I appreciate the great mind of Sir Newton; He has put one of the supreme truth of a day to day life in the simplest terms ever – To every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction…  We come across numerous concepts and theories all across the phases of learning. But only a few of them travel with us all through our lives. I believe that there are three factors that can make this happen – the relevance of the subject matter in one’s life, the simplicity at which the same is being conveyed, and the other is a passionate teacher.  When a passionate teacher conveys an impactful concept in the most simplified manner, the result will definitely be a take away for a lifetime.

Saying so, Kudos to Sir Newton for being the best at what he is and for all that he will always be remembered for and to all my teachers for being instrumental in bringing in acceptability to knowledge in my mind and leading me to light.


A pinch of insanity, I believe, is an essential ingredient to make human life delicious. But just like salt, it can turn out to be a disaster if added beyond what is required. And the very idea of “RESERVATION / CASTE SYSTEM” is insane, is truly insane beyond acceptance. The statement might seem offensive but this is an outcome of the experiences that I have had in person and also that I have seen and read from the lives of people around me.

Well, I believe in the existence of a super power who has the remote control over the entire race of creations in the universe. But when he created the universe, the only way in which he was perhaps biased was in giving human beings an extra edge over his other creations. Later, his supreme creations went on a spree of dividing themselves into various sub categories and ranking them as high and low on God Knows what basis; thereby came into existence the prestigious ‘Caste System’.

Of course there existed quite a few reasons why such a system was the need of the hour back in the olden days.  And today I would really not mind about having to declare my caste in a matrimony profile. But when I find that as criteria for deciding my education and career, I find it insane. Where talent and merit should speak volumes about an individual, its being BC or OC that matters!!!

It’s also important to note that nobody is being benefitted in a great way from such a division. It’s just that for some it ends up in huge opportunity cost and for others it results in various forms of social discrimination and intolerance. When there can be a Win – Win situation by not having such a system, we choose to accept loss for reasons beyond normal understanding. And the Irony is that, we are supposedly the best of all creations because we have the power to think and decide what is right and wrong for ourselves.

Having said all this, I accept with a heavy heart that things are not going to change any time soon. But I also do not want to lose hope about seeing a change in a few decades maybe. But till then all I can say is “Yes, I belong to a so and so caste and that’s by birth. And I am sorry, Cos as of yet, neither am I given an option to choose my parents nor were they.” Somehow I am glad that we aren’t given one and I hope that we never will be given one. Instead, let’s look forward to a tomorrow where there would be lesser barriers dividing us, leaving a mark of equality in its true sense.