(a + b)^2 = a^2 + 2ab + b^2. I don’t think I have had any greater problems in my life at one point in time that dealing with this and many of its other relatives ( Definitely there are greater issues today, But Maths will always continue to be an iconic character in my book of disasters). It was so dreadful that had mathematics been a phase, I would never wish for it to happen to even the worst of my enemies. That was the equation we shared. But looking back at it today, I wonder why did I let it affect my head so much. Every maths exam was accompanied by a series of events starting with a hope that things would be better this time, followed by a realization that its no better from the earlier instances, resulting in an imaginary headache leading to shedding of tears and finally ending in a state of profuse sweating in the exam hall and thereafter realizing that though not a 100 , I had not failed either. Well this was just on the repeat mode until I got rid of maths as a subject. Of course today it does n’t bother me any more. But may be in an attempt to reflect over the past, If I were to personify maths as someone I were in a relationship with, I guess I would say I invested a lot more into something that never really made me any better or happier. All along the years of association, I struggled to get better at something that clearly was not my forte whilst the easier/ better choice could have been to just let it be. Because no matter what I did, Neither did I have the power to remove it from being a part of my life( Unless I had decided to be a school drop out) nor could I have convinced myself to like it any better ( You know, its just that we were never meant to be). Now I feel that had I just mustered the courage to look myself in the eye and tell it loud and clear that its okay to be not okay with certain things, life would have been a lot more easier. We cannot all always be good at everything we do. Everyone has their inherent share of strengths and weaknesses. Well as much as I agree that its good to know one’s weaknesses, I really don’t believe that one needs to tackle each one of it and become someone too perfect to be true.
I have always been fascinated by the thought which says ” To err is human but to forgive is divine”. But as the horizons of my thoughts keep widening, I believe divinity lies within every human. All it takes, is for us to come to terms with the fact that we might err because we are humans but also invoke the divinity in us to forgive ourselves for at least some of the imperfections that we cannot do away with and just move on. Somehow I feel, It will just be a lot more easier to live happily with certain not okay’s than battle around with a hope to be all okay!!!